Judging and forgiving

 Exodus 14:19-31; Romans 14:1-12; Matthew 18:21-35

These days, it’s common for people to judge each other. We see it all time on TV news and advertising, in opinion pieces on the Internet and in print. We see lots of opportunities to judge each other on social media.

In my lunch group, we occasionally have to remind ourselves that we don’t talk about politics, because one or two of us have strong opinions that are the opposite of the strong opinions held by the rest of us.

In church, opinions flow freely, too. I loved the hymns, I hated the hymns. Thanks for a great sermon, I didn’t get anything out of the sermon. We should allow people to stay here all night, we should call the police right away.

Some days we think this amount of disagreement is worse now than it ever was. But scripture and recorded history tells us a different story. Do you suppose the Israelites all left Egypt ready to follow Moses anywhere? Or do you think there were arguments in every household about him and his crazy plan? What do you think they said when they were caught between the Egyptian war chariots and the sea?

Look at the last line of the reading. “Israel saw the great work that the LORD did against the Egyptians. So the people feared the LORD and believed in the LORD and in Moses, the servant of the LORD.” It wasn’t until this moment, on the far side of the sea from the Egyptian army that everyone agreed the Exodus was a good idea. And we know there were many times in the next 40 years when the folks doubted in Moses’ ability to lead them to the promised land.

… Paul highlights an issue the early believers struggled with: what can we eat? Observant Jews obeyed a number of food rules that made living in foreign lands a challenge. A major concern was related to meat. Every morning, cattle were slaughtered as offerings to the various gods, and butchered and sold in the market.  This origin made the meat unavailable to observant Jews, because it had been offered during the worship of other gods. This was a matter of great concern to some folks, and not a problem for others, and the subject of many arguments in the fledgling churches.

For some Jews living in Rome, the meat is just meat; while for others, it is a great sin. Paul is saying in this part of the letter that the source of the meat doesn’t have to matter. They should all accept each other’s opinions and feelings on this matter. It is more important that they love and respect each other as believers in Jesus.

… Jesus pushes the issue farther than love and respect. Jesus insists that we need to forgive each other, and that we need to forgive without counting how often we do so.

Can’t you imagine Peter marking on a ledger each time he has to forgive someone for the same offense?

John, eating a second helping of fish, 3 times

Andrew, leaving holes in the fishing net, 6 times

Martha of Bethany, complaining about lack of help in the kitchen, 2 times

… It’s easy for us to be like Peter, keeping account of all the times we have been hurt, of all the people who have wronged us. We judge them as imperfect, as making too many mistakes; we also judge ourselves as lacking, as not being perfect enough. We add up the pain and it affects our relationships. 

Jesus knows how important forgiveness is to us. It is for ourselves that we need to forgive, not for the person who hurt us. Refusing to forgive someone else, or ourselves, becomes an evil seed growing inside us. The evil seed of refusing to forgive steals our lives from us by concealing a different perspective from us. We become blind to the other person’s reasons for their actions. The longer we refuse to forgive, the harder it gets to do so.

… My sister and I call it “that summer”. We were both hurting from failed relationships. She came to live with me, and for a while it was really nice, until it wasn’t. One day, she packed and left in a silent fury, with our conflict unresolved.

For two years I prayed daily to be able to forgive her, and for her to forgive me. Occasionally I sent her a card or left her a voicemail, simply reaching out to her. One day, I received a card from her, forgiving me and asking for forgiveness.

It was only because we were both determined to focus on forgiveness that we were able to move forward. Today, our relationship is healthy, especially because we are wise enough to know we cannot live together. We both claim to be nice people, but sometimes our very niceness drives others nuts. And, despite our niceness, we are actively judging the other.

… Judgment happens. But, we are called as believers in Jesus to be aware of our tendency to judge, and to focus instead on forgiveness. This week I hope you will watch for the opportunity to forgive someone, even if you judge them as not deserving of it. And consider if you need to confess and ask for forgiveness for yourself. Amen