Parenthood

 For First Presbyterian, Inverness, FL

Genesis 21:8-21; Romans 6:1b-11; Matthew 10:24-39

I want to begin with Genesis 12: Now the Lord said to Abram, “Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. ² I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing. ³ I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse, and in you all the families of the earth shall be blessed.”

This promise influences the entire Bible, the stories of all the characters who live in relationship with God, from Abraham to Moses to David to Isaiah to Jesus and Peter and Mary Magdalene, and to us today.

Some of today’s readings tell stunning stories. The story from Genesis sounds like a soap opera: Sarah can’t conceive so she has her husband Abraham sleep with her best friend, Hagar. Today, we call this surrogacy, and the process is done in a lab, but 4,000 years ago direct interaction was the only way.  

The soap opera continues: When baby Ishmael is born, Hagar lives in an apartment over the garage, so she can be close to her son and see him often.  Maybe she even provides childcare for Ishmael. And that works until Sarah herself finally gives birth to her own child, Isaac. Then Sarah forces Hagar to leave with Ishmael. Abraham gives Hagar some money, but it runs out too soon, and she and the baby are living in a shelter for homeless families a few hundred miles away.

The Bible story puts the blame on Sarah’s jealousy, her fear that Ishmael was Abraham’s favorite son. It doesn’t tell us how long this controversy in the family lasted. I suspect it was months, or longer. And it doesn’t tell us how Abraham felt about having to send his first-born son away, other than providing what he could to Hagar and Ishmael as they left.

In the world of soap operas, Hagar would either be gone, a lesser cast member fired because her storyline ran out, or her storyline would continue to occasionally interact with Sarah and the new baby. It’s unlikely that the soap opera storyline would include an appearance of God bringing the assurance that Ishmael would be as blessed as Isaac.

However, in the world of the Bible, as Hagar struggles to find food and water for herself and her child, God appears, and gives her a promise almost identical to the one given to Abraham years earlier. “I will make a great nation of him.” In another retelling of this story in Genesis 16, it’s even closer to the one for Abram.

The half-brothers are never close, but apparently keep in touch because both Isaac and Ishmael are at the burial of Father Abraham. And today, this story is remembered as the faith foundation story for the Muslims. The three generations of Abraham, Ishmael, and Nebaioth parallel the Jewish stories of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.

Fast-forward about 2,000 years to Jesus talking with his disciples. “I want to warn you,” he says, “that it will not be easy to follow me. There will be conflict. There will be broken families. You have to put following me above everything in your life. But I promise you that I will care for you even more than I care for the sparrows.”

 And Jesus gets even more specific: husbands and wives will be set against each other; siblings won’t agree with each other; and even parent-child relationships will be torn apart. All because some will believe in Jesus and follow his way, and others will insist that Jesus blasphemes. It’s a wonder families survived at all, because what Jesus predicted was true.

Still, Jesus promises that there will be blessings in following him. By the time of Moses and the prophets, the promise originally given to Abraham had been adapted: “I will be your God and you will be my people.” It’s the promise of a loving, everlasting relationship, expressed in many metaphors.

God is the king, who reigns benevolently over the people. God is the good shepherd, who guides and guards the sheep. God is the mother bear, who protects her cubs from danger. And God is our Father, much better than any human parent. Jesus teaches us, in other parts of the gospels, what it means for God to be our father. God is not a distant mountain but a loving parent who seeks a loving, caring relationship with all of us. Pray like this: Our abba in heaven …

Let’s look at what we might learn about parenthood, then, from these stories. Abraham and Sarah and Hagar teach us how hard it can be to be family; there are conflicts and jealousy and yet loving bonds that last a lifetime.  Jesus teaches his disciples, including us today, how hard it can be to be his faithful followers, but says, I’ll be with you, even when it’s hard. Keep on following me. And Paul explains that it’s worth it to live the baptized, resurrected life, in relationship with God the Father of Jesus.  

Many of us were raised with the image of parenting shown on TV, in shows like Father Knows Best, or Eight Is Enough. But these stories were not realistic, at least in the sense of how quickly issues were resolved, if not in the sense that some real-life issues are never really resolved.

In real life, it’s hard to be a parent, to know what is best for each child, for the family. We’re going to make mistakes, even as we are trying to be fair. I still carry resentment at a decision made by my parents. It was certainly not earth-shattering, like the story of Hagar. But I remember it. On Saturday nights in Chicago, Gunsmoke was a 30-minute show that started at 8pm and we always watched it as a family. Then, one year, it began airing in color, and lasted for 60 minutes. That meant our bedtime moved from 8:30 to 9pm, and my parents decided that it would be too late. So, we couldn’t watch it at all, and bedtime was 8pm. Mom and Dad wouldn’t even make an exception for me, the oldest at 13, a teenager!

This week, I hope you will spend some time thinking about this: What kind of parents did you have? If you are a parent or grandparent, what kind of parent or grandparent are you? In what ways is God your loving, forgiving Father or Parent? Or do you describe God differently? Amen.